Electing a parliament or however you call the assembly residing in a huge hall for at least four years put together by the voters i.e. the people of a country is a procedure we here in the Western world perceive in combination with some key words like fair, transparent, etc.
But hold on, we're in Lukaland, originally known as Belarus where you can face the risk getting jailed and narcotized for waving the white-red-white striped real banner instead of that relict of the Sovjet times.
So how did he who's justified regarded as Europe's last dictator manage the situation when it comes to parlamentary elections? Pretty easy.
The following list explores the necessary steps to change an election into a tasteless farce the EU nations are rightly not recognizing even after 18 years:
1) In the run-up to the election day ban all your opposites. Ban each and everyone, doesn't matter if he or she's got something to say or if you simply don't like the color of their eyes.
2) Being asked why you banned all the opposition candidates blame them as being all but political mature. Politics are such a complicated instrument that only you and your cronies are able to handle and manage that and all the others have to provide the proof of a master degree in political sciences (gained at a university you would have never allowed them to promote of course).
3) Arrest for prevention some pundits from the dissidents' scene accusing them of mental vandalism or ideological hooliganism or whatever.
4) Don't worry about a low voters' percentage when the election day is knocking on your door. Use your own successfully proven mathematics instead of: the validity quote of 50% is already included so that a real voters' percentage of 15% is officially sold as 65%.
5) Keep your enemies close, but your friends closer. The OSCE raises doubts about the transparency? C'mom, who gives something about the tedious remarks of the few hand-picked observers if your friends from the CIS praise your staged elections as commendable!
6) Tease the foreign journalists whereever you can. Who's putting his nose into internal affairs risks sometimes a bloody one. Random arrests are also very useful to switch the public perception away from your crystal clear vote fraud taking place behind the curtains.
7) Expect a lot of citizens and oppositionals boycotting your staged elecs. When it comes to the vote blame them publicly as cowards not having the guts to withstand someone majestic like you.
8) Empty polling stations? Not a serious problem. Place in front of them a table with food and inspiring drinks and wait until some useful folks will attend in front of the station. Take a pic of the momentum and sell it as overcrowded run on the ballots.
9) Make sure that those counting out whatever is in the ballot boxes belong to your trusted circle. They will
a) testify that everything went under regular circumstances (whatever they might be),
b) report reliably suspicious marks on the ballot papers (maybe one of the powerful partners has donated you a DNA tester) and
c) respect the unwritten law of omertá (silence).
10) Declare the publication of the election results in the earliest case for the common day. That allows you to check the statistics of the former faked elections you staged adjusting the result a bit.
Et voilà! By realizing all those steps you can meet the presser airing that wonderful feeling being the only one understanding the principles of democratic elections ..
.. without getting red in the face.
Despite some rumors the uniform
was not lended from the Hollywood
costume fundus, section
'The Great Dictator' by
Charles Chaplin.
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