Gaddafi's PR demand (commented)

One of the strangest documents I‘ve received via Twitter was this leaked mail from the Libyan government (sorry, I should say from the illegal union still threatening the freedom seeking Libyans).

In a desperate try to re-legitimize themselves (which is more than impossible) they wrote the following letter to some major PR agencies (comments correspond to the thoughts of an average reasonable marketing expert):


Subject: Mission for Peace (?)
Dear Sir/madam
My Name is Ali and I work for the “” at the Ministry of Information in Libya. (Poor guy ..)
We are seeking to employ your PR company to present our just and fair (Fair??? 42 years terrorizing the own population isn‘t fair, or?) case to the world. Libya has been under an unjustified media and PR attack (aha, an attack, not a campaign) which led to NATO’s military involvement since the 19th of March. We also face an armed rebellion that has been causing violence, terror and destruction in many parts of the country (Sure? In every liberated part I see smiling, happy people).
We have good moral (you mean the stubbornness of your boss), political and legal logic supporting our position as the legitimate, sovereign and popular government of Libya (Logic? Legitimate?? Popular??? Three lies in one sentence, mind that!). We also have proofs in written, audio and video forms to take our case forward (Oh, you mean Saifs deranged recordings? Hold on ,til we called our psychiatrist.).
The African Union, Libya’s essential geopolitical space (Please, don‘t involve a whole continent in your dirty affairs!), has been supporting (The voice of Mugabe doesn‘t count!)our effort to establish (rest in) peace and security (prisons) for all Libyans, so have important political figures from around the globe (Wait: Pol Pot and Baby Doc passed away .. Kim Yong Il?).
If we reach an agreement we will make sure it will be for the good of all Libyans and in accordance with the UN resolutions on Libya (Very simple: You surrender and deliver yourself to The Hague. Receipts of the TV broadcast will be collected in a fund for the Libyan victims you left). We can formalise any deal with your organisation through a third party to help move things forward fast (The third party we accept are the security officers who handcuffs you).
In particular, we need you to help us (Now it gets thrilling):
- Improve the image of the Libyan government in your country (Very easy. You are are bunch of mass murders under the lead of an old narcistic clown).
- Open direct communication channels to members of Parliament, party leaders and members of government (The problem is: even if we open those communication channels the politicians won‘t listen to you. If they want senseless entertainment they switch on the comedy channel.).
- Create effective communication platforms for the members and leaders of the Libyan government (That‘s to handle. Your counsels for the defense will listen to you wherefore we all pity them).
- Assist the Libyan government to define their political and strategic mission and to transmit the statements in appropriate wording (What about simply pledging guilty?).
- Organize or assist in daily media briefings and/or formal media conferences (Don‘t need to. The High Court will appreciate your presence as well).
- Organize off-the-record and on-the-record one-on-one meetings with opinion leaders of your national media (I‘m afraid we haven‘t got so many bewildered anymore in our media landscape. But I assure you to have a look at our maximum security twilight zone areas).
-Take all measures to enhance the credibility of Libyan government and their representatives (Pledge guilty and we‘re in business).
- Create a counter balance to the PR and media activities of rebels and the allied forces (You mean the Freedom Fighters and their supporters? Forget it. We're not some kind of Houdinis here, man. Go and ask SANA).
- Avoid action which is damaging to the image of the Libyan government (Sounds like the best part of the work: simply doing nothing. Your image is yet totally damaged, can‘t get lower).
- Day by day trouble shooting in media and PR sectors (Yep. Look at your friend Mubarak: he‘s exercising it at the moment. You prefer also a stretcher?).
- Assist the Libyan government in managing contacts on the international political level (No problem. You will be surprised how many international war criminals will share your fate in common. So whom do you prefer as cell neighbor? Lukashenko? Saleh? The Assad brothers?).
-A wide range of publications, from2 to 4 page briefings all the way through to 250-page books (Done. The ICC files are big enough).
- Commissioning a range of academic studies (Don‘t worry. An international gremium of psychological analysts will be busy over the years with your case).
- Identifying and influencing existing and up-and-coming politicians (I‘m sure the younger generations of common officials will have a look at you - as deterrent).
Opinion makers and academics that have shown a non-interventionist approach (Better let this your lawyer decide - at least he‘s the one who possibly blames himself with).
- comprehensive constantly updated websites (Every single minute of your trial will be recorded online).
- A range of international conferences and speeches (Before or after the ICC sentenced you?).
- Round-table meetings (with your lawyers, arranged).
- Comprehensive media outreach identifying as many newspapers and journalists as possible (Have I mentioned you‘re repeating yourself?).
We are off course open to your ideas and proposals (But I‘m afraid you won‘t even understand one single word of it, eh?).
Thank you
Ali Darwish
Mission for Peace (again: ?!?)
Ministry of Information (Note to myself: thank the computer industry for inventing the ,delete‘-button ..)

This mail was released (without the comments of course, what do ya think?!? Time‘s money and I would‘ve earned even some bucks for it!!) in the online newspaper The Algemeiner on Aug 18th, 2011.

http://www.algemeiner.com/2011/07/31/full-text-of-gaddafi-email-to-pr-firms/

From Trolls and Eggs

I have a friend. The necessary dash of irony may not be visible on the first view. But in my native language the word friend has not only the meaning of a companion, of someone you can trust and rely on. Maybe I should have chosen the prefix 'special' to intensify my purpose. Anyhow, it would lead me too far away from my origin topic having a friend.

How should I call him without insulting other people with the same name? Difficult. Even choosing a capital letter like A or X could in worst case be misunderstood. Giving him the name of an infamous personality seems also too cheap in my eyes. Thinking back in the the times of my youth I remember a party some school mates organized. Past midnight a strange guy appeared, on the first sight he seemed ok, greeting kindly everybody, smiling, joking. After a while, most of the party people had gone home or joined other events the newcomer began to behave himself louder, insisting, even offending. He became more and more tedious. We asked our host how to handle the situation but he just smiled and said: 'Don't worry, Fips will get sooner or later tired.' Even if we couldn't believe it in that moment his wise prediction became true: After some 45 minutes of alcohol-conditioned tirades Fips realized not really being welcomed and left our small group. So whoever in the whole wide world carries the name Fips with pride and dignity I herewith certify he has absolutely nothing to do with the person I describe in the following.

Fips joined me some weeks ago in his titular Saint's manner I described above. Appealing for freedom and change I thought having found another companion at my side in the struggle against tyranny and corruption. I have to admit the first weeks not precisely having checked my new wingman - may happen once, we are all human. Then Fips began slowly to change his terminology, heading in a direction which confused me. How can a self-declared revolutionary suddenly attack the ones he stands originally for? Some of my reliable followers explained me there were activist-like micro bloggers in the web-sphere who worked in reality for the regimes spreading propaganda or urging real activists. They are known as nasty or foul eggs. Once uncovered they were blocked and spammed. Two times it was my dubious honor to get in contact with those goons. But Fips? I wasn't still sure about his real aims, thought he might have something misunderstood attacking the NATO and condemning the war in Libya. Maybe his attitude based on a wrong comprehension. Freedom of speech includes also to tolerate the opponent's opinion.

As long as it is not insulting, offending or hurting someone's feelings. And Fips' pleas became more offensive. He blamed not only the freedom fighters for the cruelties but began to defend the tyrant himself. More often I had to watch his timeline to try to understand his thinking - maybe he still clinched the old-fashioned worldview of the Iron Curtain times standing without exception against all forms of imperialism. That would have explained his puppy love for Gaddafi. But his insults became nastier. Spreading news about crimes committed through the rebels (everybody having an average analytic mind could easy deconstruct those blown-up messages) he made a clearer getting confession to the colonel and his policy. Now Fips reached a level where I had to take a decision. I unfollowed him.

But he didn't unfollow me. Good, I thought, don't block him, it's enough if he vanishes out of my timeline. Things were going on keeping busy with the important topics, especially in Syria. It's not easy to raise enough awareness, constantly changing and comparing informations to get a complete impression. I have to admit reading so much blogs and articles never in my life before. Not to forget checking the whole mobile phone videos, audio recordings and photographies. One day I took a look on my mentions list searching a certain contact when I saw Fips again: his wording became carefully expressed radical, between the lines I could read implicated accusations. Fine, I said to me, here we have someone becoming sort of desperate because apparently no one is listening to him. Let him be, just like the original Fips, maybe he loses air just like a tyre which rolled over a nail.

From time to time I had to cheat to the mentions list just to discover some more crude replies. First Fips took an ironic comment - I write them to compensate the senseless cruelty I'm often confronted with - definitely too serious. At that time I could smile on it without problems. A short tweet one-liner and I forgot about it. Then Fips made another fault desperate cravers make often. He took one of a five series tweet (with a bit reflection easy to recognize: marked between each two dots) out of the context blaming me for imperialistic aggression. Oops, imperialistic, me? I've heard many things in my life about me but that was completely new. 'No hard feelings!' I said to myself and simply commented the incident as the one before.

Now it became drastic. As answer on my legitimate question if a pro-regime protest artificially set in scene can be taken serious Fips tried to assure me that the people are with the government and told me I have to keep out from internal affairs. Well .. we are not talking about Libya. We are talking about Syria. No NATO intervention some anti-imperialists could place on the table of arguments. And to side with Assad is in the light of the crimes his regime committed and still commits one of the most stupid moves a human being can ever make - unless he is a well-paid part of the dark side. Is Fips some kind of son-in-law of the tyrants' dynasties? Or is he simply deranged or drug-addicted and needs urgently care? Such kind of thoughts were running through my head when the next hammer landed in my mentions list: this time Fips replied to a call for baby food which was running out in the besieged city of Hama mentioning something from 'hypocrisy' and 'Syria's detraction'. The first time he used capital letters, in combination with his argumentation (if it's possible to call it that) a sign of a) beginning disorder or b) presenting his real face as a cyber mercenary working for the regime. In case of b) Fips must be well paid agitating for Assad and Gaddafi. But on the second look he appeared to me too desperate being a rich thug. Only a poor aggrieved ego. Or?

Not even two hours later it looked he convinced me from solution a). Again I posted a comment with a pinch of irony and a spark of truth in it: writing that the quickening of Assad's political downfall could be reached if the Western societies - or in Fips' language: the imperialists - relate it to the end of their financial crisis he replied in Caps (I quote him literally): lies - lies - lies western nazi propaganda.

How to handle guys like him? Should I consult an analyst and ask him what he would do in my situation? Should I report him, arrange to block and spam him, silenced forever? Or should I simply ignore him expecting that his rising blood pressure finally seals his fate?

Cracked up or conscienceless - maybe it's not up to me to decide it. Remembering a proverb saying 'keep your friends close but your enemies closer' Fips can be sure that I watch him as he does me. And strengthening his verbal violations will lead ultimately to a sent-off ..